


Hold It Together

by Deetvar



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu | Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War, Fire Emblem: Thracia 776
Genre: Alcohol, Breastfeeding, Domestic, Drug Use, F/M, Fatherhood, Implied Sexual Content, Motherhood, Night Terrors, OC children - Freeform, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religious Imagery & Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:22:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28974300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deetvar/pseuds/Deetvar
Summary: Julius is now a father, and despite his insistence everything is alright it's not. Not when these newfound feelings of fatherhood invite memories of his late mother.
Relationships: Altena (Fire Emblem)/Yurius | Julius, Leif Faris Claus/Miranda
Comments: 8
Kudos: 7





	Hold It Together

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Naturalize and Propagate](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23437861) by [MrMissMrsRandom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrMissMrsRandom/pseuds/MrMissMrsRandom). 



“Ahh,” Julius said as he placed the bean paste upon his son’s lip, enticing him to taste it. The seven month old looked at the spoon with bewilderment but nonetheless accepted the meal. Immediately after swallowing his share of beans, he reached toward the cup of water. With the handkerchief at his side, Julius wiped away the mess his son left on his cheeks. “Good boy.”  
  
Altena watched as she saw her husband feed their son, an utterly pleasant seven months it has been since he was born. “Have you thought of any names, dear?”  
  
“Is it not Thracian tradition to name a child a year after birth?” Julius answered her. In truth, he wasn’t sure what name to give his son. Certainly not any name within his own family. He feared any possibility, however small, that his son could be used to deduce Julius’s survival.  
  
“It is not a bad omen to ask these questions, merely to hastily give a child a name,” Altena replied back.  
  
It was an unfortunate reality that in the harsh land of Southern Thracia, not all children would survive their first year of life. The land was ill suited for farmland compared to the lush, fertile fields of Northern Thracia. As such, the Thracians held great reverence for newborns but also caution. The life of a newborn was precious in the mountainous lands of Thracia, and to precariously have children without consideration was frowned upon. Because of this fact, the Northerners had fabricated a lie that the Southerners commit the atrocious sin of infanticide. Such disdain the North had for their neighbours that the Northerners had come to believe their own deception.  
  
But with the reunification of Thracia the old ways would have the opportunity to mend. Trade within the peninsula was free and unrestrained, and for the first time many families would have direct aid. Malnourishment and early death would eventually become relics of the past. It would take time but there was hope for a more fruitful future for all of Thracia. Perhaps this was why Altena was so certain about starting a family with Julius.  
  
“Well maybe a name that symbolizes strength? Or perseverance? I have been reading up on the customs of Thracia, perhaps a folk hero?”  
  
Altena tilted her. “Yes, I think that would do well and it’s a much better suggestion than others I’ve heard. If they had the courage to directly speak to me, the Northern families would want me to name our son after my true father. But that would taste bitter in the mouths of the South.”  
  
Julius looked toward his son, his lovely auburn hair was the same hue as his mother but he carried his sanguine eyes. “Yes, I don't imagine myself calling our son ‘Quan.’”  
  
Altena took their son into her hands and held him. “What do you think?” Altena reached for his plump little arms and _danced_ with him, holding him upright and pretending to move in rhythm.  
  
Acting in concert, he made a wide grin toward Altena. “Keke.”  
  
Altena rewarded him with a kiss on his cheek. “My precious little boy.”  
  
Seven months within the walls of Leonster Castle, watching their son grow, Julius admitted to himself he had not been supportive enough of Altena’s needs during her pregnancy. He had allowed himself to be consumed by his guilt and anguish, rather than turn his attention to their expecting child. Though Altena had forgiven him, he had vowed to not again allow it to happen when she needed him most.  
  
But now resting within their private chambers, Julius gave them both his utmost attention. In the early days it seemed every new part of parenthood was horribly unexpected, although that was what everyone had warned them about. But in time, they became accustomed to this new life together as parents. Julius and Altena fed their son the last of his meal and promptly went to bed for the day. 

* * *

“Julius.” A voice spoke aloud with no discernible origin.  
  
Julius had found himself on the edge of a cliff. He was high above everything, a mountain step above the world. Directly in front of him were the deep blue waves, and from this height he could see a vast lake and the shores farther ahead. He turned behind to see the shadows of trees through a thick fog, with repugnant green miasma spewing underneath the fog from the dark corners of the forest floor.  
  
“Julius.” The voice called again but louder. It was familiar to Julius’s ears.  
  
“So many memories, unknown to us. Who are we?”  
  
That voice. An elegant and soft spoken voice, comforting and warm. _Mother._  
  
The world at once faded to black, no stars nor Moon high in the firmament. His senses screamed within Julius’s very core to flee. Before he even raised a foot to scurry away, something grabbed a hold of him. Hugging him was his mother, draped in a white dress. Her skin was translucent and she smelled of copal.  
  
“My son, my sweet Julius.” Immediately wind came rushing down from above, increasingly accelerating. It dawned on Julius that he wasn’t standing still. He felt the cold splash of water rush through his body.  
  
Inhaling deeply, Julius raised himself upright. He checked every inch on his person; no sign of water. He felt comfortably warm compared to the cold embrace of that terror.  
  
He was in his bed. The moonlight peered through a slight crack of his chamber curtains, revealing a tranquil room despite his violent awakening.  
  
Julius felt movement beside him. “Love?”  
  
He had spurred Altena from her rest. Reflexively, Julius placed his hand over her chest, as if he was figuratively crushing his heart. His pulse reverberated throughout his body so loudly that no doubt Altena could it.  
  
“Love, what’s wrong?” Altena said to fill the silence. There was just enough light for her to cusp his cheek.  
  
Altena placed her faith in him, and he—in turn—often betrayed it by omitting the anguish of his soul. It was the mistake of a fool, and he would not repeat it again. “Altena, I saw my mother. I was in a forest… and then I wasn’t. Next thing I knew I was falling and dropped into a body of water.”  
  
Altena reached down and held his hand. “That sounds utterly frightful.”  
  
There was a silence between them. “Is there anything else I should know, Julius?”  
  
He shook his head. “I…. can’t seem to recall anything else, I’m afraid.”  
  
“I see…” Altena squeezed his hand tighter. “It was just a night terror, love. Let’s go back to sleep.”  
  
“Yes..” 

Julius lied back down onto the bed, his head sinking into the pillow. He placed one hand on his chest, counting the beats of his heart. Altena approached, shuffling the blankets closer together. She leaned in to embrace Julius. Altena was larger and taller than him, but in her hold he never felt small.  
  
She kissed his cheek and bade him good night. Julius did the same, eyes close, but still counting the beats of his heart. 

* * *

The child babbled incoherent sounds and swayed his arms about as Julius held him. He wanted to grab the cup of wine Julius had. It was a curious thing for Selfina to fetch when he asked for a bottle at noon, but Julius was insistent. He wasn’t much of a social drinker for there hardly ever was such an occasion for him, but Julius found it relaxed his nerves. Especially after last night’s fright he was deathly anxious and needed the refreshment.  
  
Altena sipped from her cup of tea and took a bite of sweet bread. Light meals in midmorning were always welcome when they had to work official affairs, especially so with Selfina’s company.  
  
Holding out a map, Altena marked a dot of land with a stroke of her pen. “Is Lord Cursten willing to hand these aquifers over?”  
  
Selfina sighs. "He requests an advanced payment of—"

Altena took the map and handed it to Julius. "Dear, have our son mess with the map. I'm sure he can chart a better territorial arrangement!”

Selfina consoled Altena by rubbing her shoulders. "Reconciliation was never going to be easy, my lady. Perhaps you should take some to rest."

Julius noticed his son was beginning to act fussy, wriggling in his hold. He sat up and walked toward Altena. "Maybe some time with our boy will take your mind off these formal affairs."

Altena took her son and he began to coo as he rested his head on her chest. She played with the little tuft of hair on his head before giving him a kiss on his nose. He responded with a giggle and an enormous smile emerged on his face.  
  
"Yes, I think it would be best," Altena said.  
  
Though Altena had focused on being a mother, she still worked on occasion—trying to unify the people of New Thracia. Commerce between North and South was now feasible, but there was still the matter of ensuring the South wasn’t held to the mercy of the North. If prices were raised it would lead to famine, and even if they did not then the North could still maintain its hold over the South by virtue of controlling all the food. 

The aquifers were Altena’s project to bring water to Mease, but land agreements and transferals were the bane of Altena’s skill. Julius helped in preparing documents and formatting, masquerading under his wife’s identity to try to convince local lords to willingly cede territories. But few were willing to budge without considerable compensation, and fewer took the offer without insult. 

After a few minutes reviewing reports and making diagrams onto a sheet of parchment, Julius spoke up. He handed Altena a revised map, as well as his own copy of a letter to forward to Lord Cursten. “I think I have something to work with.”  
  
Altena glanced at it, one hand holding up the letter while the other held their son close on her lap. “I’ll make some adjustments and have it sent out in the morning. But first—”  
  
Their child made a focused face along with a grunt.  
  
“I’ll be back,” Altena said as she withdrew from the balcony into the halls with their son.  
  
Julius found himself in Selfina’s company. She was a knight in service to the royal family of Leonster, a trusted retainer in King Leif’s court. There was no reason to fear simply being in her presence alone, and yet…. that bothersome dread suppressed in his soul often squirms beneath the cracks.  
  
“May I speak frankly, Lord Julius?”  
  
_Lord?_ Julius was no longer lord of anything. He held no titles, no lands, and to everyone but a select few his corpse was buried deep within the earth for none to find.  
  
“Yes, what is it, Lady Selfina? Have I overstepped in my aid? If so, I—”  
  
“No, not that. Truthfully, you’ve done a splendid job impersonating Lady Altena in letter. I’m afraid what I am about to say is more personal. Would that be alright?”  
  
Julius couldn’t understand what Selfina would want to ask. He didn’t even think she would want to ask him anything about him. “Yes...” He hesitantly replied. 

“When I learned you had survived and that you were Lady Altena’s husband, I wasn’t sure what to feel. I performed my duty and withheld my judgments. But seeing the way Lady Altena looks at you reminds me of myself in my halcyon days with my own husband.”  
  
_Withheld my judgments._ He lingered on those words, he always lingered on such needless things. “What did you think of me knowing I was alive?”  
  
“Does it matter? You’ve done nothing but bring peace and happiness to Lady Altena. There’s no need to fixate on the past, Lord Julius.” Selfina replied.  
  
“Right,” he said nervously. Julius took his cup of wine to drink but found it was empty. 

* * *

The bright sunny day was replaced with foreboding clouds that obscured even the Moon’s light. But their chamber’s hearth and candlelight repelled the dreary gloom of the night sky. Altena laid their son on their bed, watching him crawl and slam his palm against their pillows.  
  
“Where are you going?” Altena asked him playfully.  
  
He looked at Altena for a moment before returning to grab their pillow.  
  
“You want this?” Julius picked up his son and rested his son’s head on top of the pillow. “Better?”  
  
“Hrh!” He replied back with his eyes wide open and saliva all around his lips.  
  
“Calm down there.”  
  
Julius took a handkerchief to clean his son’s face, but immediately he held his full right palm over Julius’s pinky finger. Playing along, Julius let go of all control in his left hand and allowed his boy to flay his arm to his heart’s content. “Funny handshake.”  
  
“Love seeing my boys play together,” Altena said as she got behind Julius and kissed his neck. 

Julius's mind wandered off to his time with Altena. It was a curious thing, going from a reluctant friendship to starting a family together. Altena was one of the first people aside from Julia after his possession to welcome him as himself, not as some monster. Their relationship blossomed into love despite Julius's own hesitation and willingness to self-sabotage. He wasn't forthcoming when planning their child together. 

"Altena. Remember the incident a few months back? When I… panicked..." Julius said in a low defeated voice. 

"Yes… what of it, dear?" She said, concerned for where this would lead to.  
  
"I just want to say I'm sorry. I haven't put it to words for you, I'm afraid, but I want to express it clearly now. I didn't know what fatherhood entailed—" 

Julius held his son in his arms, his head resting on Julius's shoulder. He turned to Altena and looked into her eyes. "And I hurt you. I didn't think of you. And I'm sorry."

Altena sighed. "No apology was needed, love."  
  
“I know but I’ve been thinking… I haven’t done enough—”

With the gentle touch of her hand, she touched his cheek and lightly kissed his lips. "Our marriage wasn’t built on words, Julius. Finding the right words to express ourselves has never been our strength." 

Altena and Julius were never married in any formal sense. There was no wedding or even an exchange of vows. They simply remained committed to another, building their future one step at a time.  
  
She raised her arms and Julius handed her their little boy. “You’ve been a good father and husband. I don’t need to say it, I can see it for myself. You’ve done plenty. Right, sweetie?”  
  
Taking their son’s hand Altena raised it and imitated the sound of a little boy. “Yes, Mama!”  
  
_A good father?_ Julius watched as Altena continued to play with their son, his giggles were like music to his ears. His memories harkened back to his own youth, the shared laughter he had had with his own mother. But also the work given to him by his father…. 

“Ahhwaah.” Their child blurted out before putting his fingers in his mouth.  
  
“I agree.” Altena nodded.  
  
_Yes. A good father, he will be._

* * *

Julius found himself on a canoe with an oar beside his right foot. The canoe he rode on was adorned with orange marigolds and smelled of copal. On his own person he carried a jade pendant around his neck, and large stone balls in chains attached to his wrists. Julius tested the weight by placing them into his palm and lifting them. They were as heavy as the steel lances Altena uses in battle.  
  
He recognized the riverway he traveled on as the Tecolutla River that stretched from Velthomer into the Silesian Sea. Then the air stank of something foul, a mixture of iron and pus all too horrible for Julius to dwell on. He knew where he was heading. With a crack of lightning high above in the sky, the world darkened with storm clouds and the rustling wind sounded like the languished screams of those gone by.  
  
Another flash of lightning and there before him was a figure. He was a swirling vortex of black feathers fluxed into the shape of a man and a human skull for a face, with a bat resting on his right shoulder and an owl on his left.  
  
“Get out,” Julius said defiantly.  
  
He raised both his hands and all the world came to a halt. The clouds parted, revealing all the stars into the firmament. The Moon rested toward Julius’s west. But as Julius stared into the night sky, the light of the stars descended down.  
  
They were entering His mouth.  
  
“No!” Julius instinctively got up and put all the strength into slamming the figure with his shackles. Julius connected with His jaw, pushing toward the edge of the canoe. Losing balance, they both fell into the water sinking beneath the waves.  
  
Julius struggled to rise to the surface, aiming for the light of the Moon he could faintly see piercing through the waves, but his binds made him descend deeper. He saw the figure dissipate into streams of blank ink in the water approaching him. It wrapped around his ankles, sinking him further. 

Julius struggled with all his might to get away, but as he fought the Shadow he continued to fall deeper. If he resisted, he would be pulled even farther down. If he did nothing, he would perish all the same. The outcome was the same, no matter his choice.  
  
But Julius refused to resign himself. He would not perish. The jade pendant he wore began to glimmer as it floated away from Julius’s neck, touched by the light of the Moon. A figure robed in white, smelling of vanilla, then reached out and took Julius by his shoulder—raising him to the surface.  
  
The cold air seeped into Julius’s lungs hardening his chest but he was alive. The figure in white held to him strongly, their warmth comforting to Julius.  
  
He, however, arose in those dark depths, spiteful and malicious as always. Yet this time it was in the guise of a beast, scales dark as obsidian, a face curved and thinly like a vulture and wings like a bat.  
  
“Put as much distance between you and the truth as you’d like. It changes nothing. Pretend to be what you are not. Husband. _Father._ ” He spoke as if a thousand dead voices were speaking at once.  
  
The Sun peered out from the horizon and with the light of day he disintegrated into dust beneath the waves.  
  
Julius turned his attention to the person who had saved him. “I’m sorry, son. Perhaps another time.”  
  
With a kiss on his forehead, Julius’s eyes opened and found himself lying in bed. Altena faced away, still in deep asleep  
  
Julius exhaled, turned over, and tried to close his eyes. 

* * *

“You’re certain?” Altena asked.  
  
It was early morning and Altena had just roused their son awake to feed him.  
  
“Yes…” Julius struggled to make out the words. “I saw my mother… I saw… It.”

“And you were saved? _It_ was defeated?” There was a solemn expression on her face as she tended to their son, firmly resting in her arms as he suckled on her breast.  
  
Julius turned around. His jaw locked with fear, eyes welled with tears, and his hands trembled at the thought. “Yes…”  
  
Altena offered her free hand. He noticed on her wrist had a network of scars, old but still present. And those that surrounded her chest—  
  
When they became intimate with another, Julius was surprised that Altena bore so many scars on her body. In his eyes, she was a radiant war goddess given human form. To see her stand so proud yet so bare before him brought her down to his own level, he reasoned; Altena was not some ethereal divinity, she was as flesh and blood as he was. _Flawed, scarred, and still beautiful._ Like the Moon, Julius thought to himself. 

Those were Mother’s words. 

He took Altena’s hand. “What did I do to deserve all this?”  
  
“By believing in yourself.”  
  
Their son stopped and glanced at Julius, reaching out to be held by his father.  
  
“And believing in our future together, right?” Altena said as she gave Julius to hold their boy. 

“Bzzzz.” Their son burst out.  
  
Julius couldn’t help but laugh at the remark. He offered his hand and their child gripped his index finger tightly. “Right.” 

* * *

It was decided that, to alleviate his troubles, Julius should spend more time with others to ease his mind. Luckily Leif was “granted leave” by Miranda to rest these past few days, and Julius found it prudent to be more in touch with his lawful brother. 

Altena, Julius, Miranda, and Leif took a well deserved rest within one of Lenster Castle’s many private rooms. A large and vacuous space with only a handful of furniture at the corners of the room, ideal for a break or waiting room. With only a small window to allow light in, it was a perfect place to get away from all other distractions—with the sole exception of Julius’s son.  
  
“Weeahh!” He had begun to coo, reaching for whatever took his interest. Julius gently guided his son away from the spoons and kettles on the little tea cart they had with them.  
  
“He’s certainly growing,” Leif said as he poured himself a cup and watched as Julius handed his energetic child to Altena. 

Altena held him up and showed him to Leif. “His eyes were a rustic red hue when he was born, but now they’re positively gems. Rubies for eyes!”  
  
“Perhaps his father’s blood is beginning to manifest more strongly,” Miranda wondered as she tried in vain to take hold of her nephew from Altena. Still unfamiliar with her, the boy clung harder to his mother before digging his face into Altena’s armpit.  
  
The words caught Julius’s attention and he felt guilty hearing them. He and Altena discussed at length what having a child would entail. Mundane consequences such as restless nights to more serious subjects…. such as Julius’s children possibly hinting to his survival.  
  
Julius held his arms to the corner of the cart that held all their drinks, and he quaked with fear. Sweat began to form on his palms, his throat turned dry, and his head felt heavy. _It was just an expression. She meant it in good faith. He is my son and it is only natural for family to see and reason why children resemble their parents._ _  
__  
_ Taking a breath, Julius took a kettle and poured into a cup. The brown liquid had a gentle aroma to it, which Julius discerned was an Agustrian variety from its piquant scent. He then added two cubes of sugar, a dash of milk, and a hint of vanilla.  
  
Julius took a spoon and began to stir his coffee, watching as the dark murky brown turned to a light cream. _Like me._  
  
There was a weight in his heart, his jaw began to tighten, and his feet felt heavy. Julius tried to keep steady, his hands jittering with anxiety.  
  
Before he could even take a sip of his drink, a whisper hushed in his ear. “My son.”  
  
Failing to control himself, he dropped the cup, its content spilling onto his right leg. The heat of the cup burned him as it seeped through his clothes. Julius lost all impulse to maintain his stature and dropped to the floor.  
  
He fell onto the ground, writhing in pain and weeping at his fate.  
  
Quickly, Altena handed her son to Leif and went to inspect her husband. She took his hand and clenched it tightly, keeping him grounded to the present and tethering him out of his nightmare. “Love, I’m here. It’s okay. Love?”  
  
Helping him up, Julius was completely shaken. So completely unable to keep his composure, he clung onto his wife. “I heard her… again… I saw her face… in—” 

Julius let out his heart on Altena’s shoulder, all the while Miranda and Leif looked at another with an awkward remembrance.  
  
Leif, still holding his nephew, lowered himself to his knees. “I may be able to help…”  
  
Julius could see the confusion and fear in his son’s eyes.  
  
It was the most heartbreaking thing he’d ever seen. 

* * *

There was unease in the air as Julius waited for any news of arrival. Resting in their room, Julius peaked out just enough to survey the land but not enough to be seen.. His wife and son were resting with him as well, his boy clearly distressed at late. No illness. No sign of anything that might suggest something to be concerned about. It was a matter more spiritual. Julius’s son knew in his heart his father was in pain.  
  
Altena knew it too, and consoled him. “Julius… when Corpul arrives, would you like to face this alone? We can go elsewhere while you set your heart to rest.”  
  
Since Julius regained his body and spirit, he had always been a coward. Altena would disagree, listing all that he had overcome but Julius knew he did not accept it within his heart. And it was affecting his wife and child. He can not allow himself to harm them, not again.  
  
“I have to do this alone, Altena. For our family. I _need_ to do this.” He admitted, struggling to keep his words together.  
  
Understanding, she gave him a light kiss on his forehead. “You know you have to do it. Just remember there is no failure to turn back. It does you no good, love, if you harm yourself. You can always try again, and keep at it.”  
  
Julius nodded. “Right.”  
  
A knock was heard at the door. “My Lady, Lord Corpul has just arrived. Would you like to receive him?”  
  
Altena got up and spoke through the door. “Inform Sir Corpul to enter my chambers as soon as possible. There is much I need to discuss with him.”  
  
“Understood!” 

Altena quickly took a glance at their son and took a sigh of relief. He was resting after much difficulty getting him asleep. The past few days in wait for Corpul’s arrival were not the worst the couple had to face in raising their child, but certainly an uncomfortable episode they would be sure to remember.  
  
_Knock._  
  
Coming in from the door was Corpul. He held, strapped to his priestly tunic, a satchel. “May I?”  
  
Altena nodded. “Of course. Thank you for coming on short notice Corpul.”  
  
“It is nothing Lady Altena, I couldn’t refuse a call of aid from you.” Corpul opened up his satchel and took out several vials of various fluids and spices. A handful of ingredients for brews were completely unknown to Julius.  
  
“Apparitions have been troubling you for some time, Lord Julius?” He asked as he searched through his collection of cures.  
  
Julius weakly responded. “My mother.”  
  
“I understand,” he simply said, as he did not want to linger on that detail. “The deceased can often appear before us in times of celestial upheaval. Or when certain events unfold that would spur them to act as if in life.” Corpul made a concoction of salts and spices, sprinkling them atop Julius’s head. “I can ferry you there if you wish. But it won’t be pleasant..”  
  
Julius inhaled.  
  
_Mother. I’m sorry it was me that robbed you of your life and separated our family. I’m sorry for all that has happened since that day. I want to see you again, if you’d have me Mother._ _  
_ _  
_ “Please take me there, Corpul.” 

* * *

On a shallow riverbank of the River Ethnia, Julius was dressed in simple parishioners clothing. Under the shade of a tree, Julius was hidden from any passersby who lived near the river. Accompanying him was Corpul, preparing the proper rites. Julius was never taught the liturgical language of the Bragi Church, only knowing that it was the antiquated tongue Saint Maira spoke, but he was certain Corpul was speaking in a sort of funerary rite.  
  
Turning back he saw Altena playfully sinking their son’s feet into the water, watching him kick the river surface to his full enjoyment. _I’ll continue to live, and die trying._  
  
Corpul lit an incense of copal, dashed salt and vanilla flowers onto Julius’s forehead, and held in his hand a piece of cacao and an elixir blend of some kind. “I will submerge you for a time, reviving you as you are in commune with the spirits.”  
  
“If you fail to revive me?” He questioned, certain he wanted to hear the actual answer.  
  
“You didn’t believe strongly enough, I’m afraid.” Corpul said all he needed to say. “Are you prepared, Lord Julius?”  
  
“One moment.”  
  
Julius walked toward Altena and his son, taking him from his mother’s arms and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be back soon, okay? Keep an eye on your mother while I’m gone. Okay, my little champion?”  
  
“Dah!” He said enthusiastically.  
  
Julius smiled. Regardless if his child meant to say “Dad”, he certainly felt it in that moment. Returning their son back to Altena, he gave her a kiss and held her waist so affectionately. Julius wanted to relish this moment while he still had control of his senses.  
  
Altena indulged him for a moment but broke away. “Come back and there will be more, love.”  
  
Julius said the last of his goodbyes to Altena, and prepared himself for whatever sojourn of the soul he was about to embark on.  
  
Taking the sip of the elixir Julius tasted a bitter flavor, much like tasting a bit of overcooked garlic in stew. There was also a burning aftertaste in the back of his throat that was only overpowered by the taste of the dull pure cacao he bit into. Julius relaxed his muscles and allowed Corpul to lay his hands on his back and waist, resting him on the river surface floating. 

At first Julius felt only a subtle energy flow through his body and mind, but before long he had lost control of his body. _I’ve been through this before...but this time it was my choosing._

As Julius floated on the river, water seeped into his ear and his sense of hearing dulled. Feeling a light touch on his forehead Julius took a large breath, and then he was pushed below.  
  
His eyes closed, and his entire body completely submerged in water. He was left alone to his senses, and whatever lurked below. 

* * *

Minutes passed. Or was it hours? Julius’s sense of time was disorientated; from one moment to the next, he wasn’t sure if it was day or night. His sense of direction was also disturbed. He felt as though his back was at the river surface but he knew he had sunk into the river back first. 

Unable to discern anything from his sense, Julius continued to wait. He couldn’t move nor speak, but in his heart he called to summon his Mother.  
  
The tide of the river currents waxed and waned gently like a spoon into a tea cup, graceful but with direction. Again Julius’s sense of position changed and he was certain he was standing upright, as if the world spun on its axis so that the river surface was on his back but he was fully standing.  
  
Still submerged Julius reached his hand forward.  
  
“Still soft, my son,” a giggling voice said as it held Julius’s hand. There was a kiss on his forehead. “Open your eyes, Julius.”  
  
Julius hesitated, believing he was still fully submerged in water. “Julius Fjalar Grannvale, don’t ignore your mother!” She said in a tauntful voice.  
  
Instinctively Julius opened his eyes to see his Mother before him, exactly as she looked the last night he ever saw her. “That’s better. Don’t hide those lovely ruby eyes of yours Julius.”  
  
She approached him, holding tightly to him. “My baby boy is back to me.”  
  
_Was it alright to hold her again? Did she truly forgive him?_  
  
Those questions were suppressed in his mind. What mattered was the immediate warmth of his mother’s embrace.  
  
She broke away from Julius’s hold, smiling and kissing his forehead. Then, unexpectedly, she smacked his temple. Julius was stunned and moved back. 

“You never think Julius! Always chewing more than you can bite into. You didn’t need to bring yourself this close to death to see me,” she chided him, before letting out a sigh. “But it was nice to see you again, my son.”  
  
“Mother! Why appear to me now? Don’t you—”  
  
Deirdre sighed again in disappointment, exactly as she would if she caught Julius in trouble. “Your heart called to me, Julius, to ask for my blessing and forgiveness. Though you didn’t know it, I did what I could to speak with you.”  
  
“Then—”  
  
She shook her head. “It’s not polite to interrupt your mother, Julius. Always so hasty. But yes.” Deirdre extended her arm and the water that surrounded them turned to the night sky. Memories of Julius’s new life flashed in the firmament. “A lovely wife. An adorable son. And like me trapped in your own forest, making the best of your circumstances.”  
  
“I had help, Mother.”  
  
“And I extend my blessing to them too.” She smiled. Deirdre starred intently at the memory of the birth of Julius’s son. “A great pain I feel that I will never be able to hold my grandson.” She turned back to Julius and kissed him again. “Be as much a father to your son, as I was a mother to you.”  
  
Julius felt a drip of tears emerging from his eyes. “Yes, Mother.” Taking the leap he held her again, kissing her cheek. “I’m going to miss you.”  
  
“Me too, sweetie. But if you ever need me, just leave a prayer for me. I’ll come. I promise.”  
  
With that, Deirdre’s form began to vanish until nothing was left. The night sky around began to turn to an ocean blue and Julius’s sense of position returned. He began to squirm erratically.  
  
A tug from behind pushed him and he was lifted to the surface, coughing out water that had seeped into his mouth and nostrils.  
  
“Easy now, don’t stress yourself.”  
  
Corpul wiped Julius’s face, and placed an orange marigold flower on his head. “Welcome back, Lord Julius.”

Julius stood upright, inhaling deeply after this experience. He saw Altena and his son facing directly towards him, with bright smiles on their faces. 

* * *

It has been six months since Julius’s last conversation with his mother and as he sculpted a small wooden effigy, he looked back on his life. Despite all that he had been through, he found solace in the small moments. The other week his son Verus had broken the first effigy. But it was hardly polished to Julius’s standards and had a number of imperfections—the wood too old and his blade too dull. So his son’s accidental fit of destruction was a blessing in disguise.  
  
Today was Prayer For The Dead, a community celebration in Thracia that honored those who lost their lives to misfortune. It was a rural celebration in Thracia but now with the first generation of children being born after the last war, the day had become a unifying force in the culture of New Thracia. Many people on all sides lost their lives, and all the living could do was remember the dead, and pray to keep their memory preserved.  
  
Atop their dresser laid the wooden effigies of both Julius and Altena’s parents, along with many other close relatives. Placed in a circle surrounded by orange marigold flowers, the two parents lit several copal incense sticks and prayed.  
  
Verus was still young and did not understand, but he kept calm and patient. And when all was said and done, Julius and Altena put him to sleep. Covering him firmly in blankets and kissing him goodnight. Julius rested in bed alongside his wife, and rested knowing tomorrow there would be more blessings to come. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for @royaltyjunk for beta'ing this fic. 
> 
> The nightmares scenes and religious symbolism are rooted in Mesoamerican religious traditions. 
> 
> This premise of the unease in Julius's hesitance in being a father comes from MrMissMrsRandom's fic Naturalize and Propagate, which I highly recommend. 
> 
> You can see how Verus (and other Julius/Altena children) look here! I hope to one day expand more stories about this family.   
> https://twitter.com/Dithorba/status/1233874870619889664?s=20


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